


i'm tired of waking up in tears

by therjolras



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5 Times, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Ashton, M/M, Multi, OT4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:22:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3702949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therjolras/pseuds/therjolras
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>4 times Ashton Irwin comforted his bandmates in the dark of night, and 1 time they comforted him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm tired of waking up in tears

**Author's Note:**

> this was just something I typed up to procrastinate on my ot4 soulmate fic. It was supposed to be 5 and 1, oops. You may or may not have noticed that I have headcanoned insecure-in-relationships Ashton, so that's a thing. Enjoy!
> 
> title from 'Silhouette' by Owl City.

**1**

Ashton’s awake. It doesn’t hurt-- his heartbeat is slow and even, his lungs are doing their job-- but something’s wrong.

“Ash?”

Luke’s leaving the bathroom, his lanky frame silhouetted by the light through the open door, and Ashton realises he’s sitting up in bed. “I-- hey,” he says. “You alright?”

“Yeah, fine,” Luke says, and Ashton can tell it’s a lie even as Luke adds, “What about you?”

“I’m fine, just… woke up all of a sudden,” Ashton says. “You sure you’re alright?”

Luke looks away, and Ashton knows he was right. “Luke,” he says.

“S’just a bad night,” Luke mumbles. “Must’ve ate somethin’ funny, it’s fine--”

“Are you vomiting?” Ashton says. Luke frowns. “No. Weird dreams, though--.”

“Good. C’mere.” Ashton beckons, and Luke doesn’t protest. He just turns off the bathroom light and crosses the room to accept Ashton’s embrace. “All you ate tonight was pizza, right?” Ashton says.

“Yeah,” Luke mumbles. “Don’t judge. Not all of us can eat like rabbits.”

“Not judging,” Ashton says. “Just… maybe don’t have pizza right before bed next time.”

“Promise,” Luke says. He returns Ashton’s hug briefly, then pulls away. “Night, Ash.”

“Night, Lukey,” Ashton says.

 

 **2**.

“Shit’s sake, Clifford, go to sleep,” Ashton says.  Because the glow from Michael’s phone is getting distracting, honestly, and Maybe Ashton’s a little concerned for his bright friend. Since the accident earlier, Ashton can see Michael’s distance. The nervous energy that won’t let him settle down.

“Michael,” Ashton says, “You know it was an accident, right?”

In the phone-glow, Ashton can see Michael’s shoulders tense. Ashton sits up, turns to face Michael, then just makes the journey to Michael’s bed. Michael is rigid, but the moment Ashton puts an arm around his shoulders he relaxes. Completely loosens. Drops his head on Ashton’s shoulder and draws in a ragged breath, burying whatever awful jumble of nerves has been clogging up his insides. “It was scary,” he whispers. “I know they didn’t mean to, but when you’re lying on the ground like that and you feel like you’re gonna get trampled--”

“I know, Mikey,” Ashton says. “We were all scared too. Especially when you went down-- no one wants to see you hurt, Mike, we love you. An’ it’s over now. Everything’s alright.”

Michael nods.

“You’re safe,” Ashton says.

Michael nods again.Ashton rubs his thumb against the muscles in Michael’s shoulder, probing at the knots of tension and feeling relief when they subside.

“I’ll try and sleep,” Michael says. “Big day tomorrow, and all.”

“Good that,” Ashtons says, and presses a kiss to Michael’s temple before getting up. “I’m right close by, yeah? Wake me up if you need company.”

“G’night, Ash,” Michael says.

“G’night, Mikey.”

 

**3.**

Calum’s too still, and he and Ashton both know it. It’s too early for Calum to be bunking down, anyway-- Mikey and Luke are still dicking around in the back of the bus, playing whatever new game Mikey’s got his hands on. Ashton may hit the hay early-- he’s old and grey and boring and wants to function like a normal human being, sue him-- but Calum shouldn’t be in bed nearly this early, even with a full show under his belt.

“Cal,” Ashton says. There’s no response. Ashton wasn’t expecting one. “Calum,” he says, “You gettin’ old?”

“Fuck off, Irwin,” Calum mumbles. At least he hasn’t lost his funny bone, then. “Awful early for a young lad like you to be seeking the Sandman’s embrace, Hood,” Ashton says. Calum makes a noise of protest, and the curtains of his bunk part long enough for him to throw a pillow at Ashton. He misses terribly.

“Strike one,” Ashton says.

“I play football, not baseball!” Calum says. Ashton grins. “So you’re not dying, then?”

“What gave you that impression?” Calum says. “I’m tired, Ash, not depressed.”

“You’re homesick, aren’t you.”

There’s a pause before Calum says, “Not so much anymore.”

The silence that follows is far more peaceful than the silence that preceded it.

 

**4.**

It’s already been a long wait by the time Michael joins Ashton on the sofa. Luke’s already draped over Ashton’s other shoulder, legs draped over Calum’s, and both the other boys have fallen asleep in the comfort of one another’s company. Michael didn’t look like he’d slept a wink even before the phone call. Now he looks haunted, eyes hollow and bright hair flat against his head. There’s no energy to his movements, and it kills Ashton to see.

“Any news?” Michael says. Ashton shakes his head. “Last any of us heard, they were more or less stable in the ICU but there were still more surgeries to come.” Michael nods, and then he slumps onto the sofa next to Ashton. “I’m scared,” he says.

“No shit,” Ashton says. “Join the club, Clifford.”

“You know me,” Michael says. “No grace under pressure.” Ashton nods. “We know.” He wants to lean on Michael a bit, invite him to the comfort pile, but if he does Luke’s going to wake up. “Snuggle with us, Clifford,” he says instead. “Worrying’s not going to do anything at this point. Try comfort instead.”

Michael smiles. “Sounds nice, Irwin,” he says, and leans on Ashton’s free shoulder. A moment later, his breathing’s evened out and Ashton is once again the only one awake. He wishes he could sleep, if only to wake up to no news. He just wants to sleep-- wants the peace he’s somehow given his friends. His Bandmates. His family. Something.

**5.**

Ashton’s awake, clawing at consciousness like a drowning man clawing for the land. He doesn’t know why he’s so afraid, doesn’t know why his breath is stuttering in his lungs, but he knows what he needs. (Who. Who he needs.)

He’s alone in his hotel room, the other bed abandoned; Ashton looks once, just to clarify, as he pulls on his shirt and crosses to the door. In the hall he knocks once, twice, four times, resting his head against the frame, feeling his pulse slow down as he waits. He hears soft footsteps on the other side and leans away as the door opens, looking up to find himself meeting Calum’s eyes. There’s nothing to say. There’s Ashton, alone on this side of the door, and there’s Calum, who just got out of a bed he’s doubtless sharing with Luke and Michael. There’s Calum opening the door wider to let Ashton in and walking back to bed, picking his way around stray limbs and curling up next to Luke; there’s Ashton following on Calum’s heels and finding a space at the end of the bed, feeling some sense of peace as he curls up amongst the others. His Somethings. There’s a lingering sense of guilt, the fear that he tamps down on a daily basis, but that can wait. He’s safe for now.

**Author's Note:**

> Believe it or not, the Pizza/Weird Dreams incident is a thing. I have a friend who swears by it and will nag you incessantly on pizza night to NOT EAT PIZZA BEFORE BED YOU WILL HAVE WEIRD DREAMS.


End file.
